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    生命中那些虛無的期待

    作者: 阮一峰

    日期:2006年4月17日

    不遠處新開了一條商業街,沿街的門面是形形色色的商鋪。晚上我回家的時候,都會經過那里。

    每天,我都看見同樣的情景:空無一人的小超市里,收銀機旁的女孩無聊地打著游戲機;穿著旗袍的迎賓小姐僵硬的站在飯館門口;保安穿著一身不干凈的制服,點著香煙,在停車的車位旁踱來踱去;賣彩票的小鋪子里擠滿了人,他們手里拿著紙和筆,非常專注。

    天天如此。

    我和一個朋友聊到這些。我說很多人的生活其實是毫無希望的。今天這樣,明天這樣,永遠這樣,日復一日,單調而麻木的活著。他們的生活其實已經定形了,不太可能改變了。

    進一步說,許多人的生活,在我看來其實都是不可忍受的。而他們之所以還在忍受,無非是心中抱著一個虛幻的期待,幻想未來有一天,生活可能會變樣。這種期待之虛無,恐怕與彩票中獎的比率不相上下。但是,就是這種虛無的期待,恰恰是人們生活下去的精神支柱。就好像很多窮人的家庭,父母含辛茹苦,做牛做馬,就是為了供孩子讀書,希望有一天孩子會出人頭地,這樣全家就可以翻身。要不是因為那么一點點虛假的亮色,恐怕生命早就被無窮的痛苦淹沒了。

    接著,我想到自己,我難道不也是用一些虛妄的期待作為自己的精神支柱嗎?

    今天中午的時候,我坐在室內看書。窗外,春天的陽光如此美好。后來,我看不下去了,腦海中浮現出顧城的一首詩。

    墓床
    顧城

    我知道永逝降臨,并不悲傷
    松林中安放著我的愿望
    下邊有海,遠看像水池
    一點點跟我的是下午的陽光

    人時已盡,人世很長
    我在中間應當休息
    走過的人說樹枝低了
    走過的人說樹枝在長

    陽光在樹林中靜靜的傾瀉,誘惑著你說放棄。可是不能,期待似乎是人與生俱來的天性,哪怕是虛無的,心靈也會不由自主的向它投靠,真正的絕望其實是很難的。

    最后生成于 2018-7-9 07:41:56

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